Er, I think that this is the comment I've fantasized all my life about getting. You've picked up on everything I could possibly have wanted to see mentioned, and every bit of it meant something to you, and--wow. Let me try to do this in an orderly fashion.
So glad you liked the first line; it was what got me constructing the story, everything else built from that little kernel of a student AU. I thought, Hotspur is a warrior, and not a scholar; if he's not going to be a student, then why not? What else is he doing with himself? When he thinks about the prospect, what does he think? It was a marvelous way to get straight into his head, without going for the more obvious angles like the PTSD or the experiences of the battlefield.
You read Pat Barker! And, yes, useless platitudes, but there's a core of something human and honest there--a desperate desire to live, coupled with a need to face death on one's own terms and make sense of it. But Hotspur doesn't think of it like that; doesn't turn his experience into stories about what dying means to the living, doesn't dwell on what it means that he saw horrible things and faced more or less constant terror. The horror gets put aside, leaving only the anger and the feeling of having been betrayed by someone.
I have always been of the opinion that Hal is a huge jerk, even/especially when he becomes Henry V. Writing this, though, I've had to wonder how much of being a jerk is (like with Hotspur) being unable to deal with the fact that actions and seemings have meanings as well as consequences. He's good with consequences; thinks dozens of moves ahead, like a chess-player. But to extend the metaphor, I think he's so obsessed with winning the chess game that he might never notice his opponent letting him win--never notice the meaning of the action. So when Hotspur asks him if he thinks about the run on London, what he's trying to do is reach out, see if they can make a careful and private meaning together. And Hal shuts him down, even more afraid than Hotspur that what they did might have changed them. Like how he tries to be the Eastcheap cad again after being England's hero, as though he can slip back into that old role after having publicly rejected it. As though people like Poins won't be hurt when he reneges on his declarations of affection. Writing this has just made me feel a little sorry for him.
I like writing about Northumberland Sr., and I wish I'd gotten to write more about him. He's an interesting character, and I think he'd end up rather neurotic--like a kid wanting to hang with the bad boys but afraid of being caught by his mum--if I wrote more of him. Ditto Kate, without the neurotic bit; I LOVE Kate. I don't see how anyone could not love Kate, but apparently there are Hotspur/Hal shippers who disagree.
I just--you think it did happen this way. That's the best thing ever. I am not going to be able to say anything coherent about that.
You don't sound like a creep. You've absolutely made my day. ^____^
no subject
So glad you liked the first line; it was what got me constructing the story, everything else built from that little kernel of a student AU. I thought, Hotspur is a warrior, and not a scholar; if he's not going to be a student, then why not? What else is he doing with himself? When he thinks about the prospect, what does he think? It was a marvelous way to get straight into his head, without going for the more obvious angles like the PTSD or the experiences of the battlefield.
You read Pat Barker! And, yes, useless platitudes, but there's a core of something human and honest there--a desperate desire to live, coupled with a need to face death on one's own terms and make sense of it. But Hotspur doesn't think of it like that; doesn't turn his experience into stories about what dying means to the living, doesn't dwell on what it means that he saw horrible things and faced more or less constant terror. The horror gets put aside, leaving only the anger and the feeling of having been betrayed by someone.
I have always been of the opinion that Hal is a huge jerk, even/especially when he becomes Henry V. Writing this, though, I've had to wonder how much of being a jerk is (like with Hotspur) being unable to deal with the fact that actions and seemings have meanings as well as consequences. He's good with consequences; thinks dozens of moves ahead, like a chess-player. But to extend the metaphor, I think he's so obsessed with winning the chess game that he might never notice his opponent letting him win--never notice the meaning of the action. So when Hotspur asks him if he thinks about the run on London, what he's trying to do is reach out, see if they can make a careful and private meaning together. And Hal shuts him down, even more afraid than Hotspur that what they did might have changed them. Like how he tries to be the Eastcheap cad again after being England's hero, as though he can slip back into that old role after having publicly rejected it. As though people like Poins won't be hurt when he reneges on his declarations of affection. Writing this has just made me feel a little sorry for him.
I like writing about Northumberland Sr., and I wish I'd gotten to write more about him. He's an interesting character, and I think he'd end up rather neurotic--like a kid wanting to hang with the bad boys but afraid of being caught by his mum--if I wrote more of him. Ditto Kate, without the neurotic bit; I LOVE Kate. I don't see how anyone could not love Kate, but apparently there are Hotspur/Hal shippers who disagree.
I just--you think it did happen this way. That's the best thing ever. I am not going to be able to say anything coherent about that.
You don't sound like a creep. You've absolutely made my day. ^____^